Oh Happy Day! Clay is Gay!

In case you haven't heard Clay Aiken is gay. This was actually a headline and the top news story on Yahoo.com on Tuesday evening September 23, 2008.

I am actually very happy they reported this breaking news. Ever since Clay broke on to the scene on American Idol back in 2003 as a skinny lil college student from the mid atlantic i had always wondered about his sexuality. I lay up late at night thinking about what he looked like without his shirt on and wondered whether or not, if he knew me, he would wonder the same about me. I kept imagining him in a Seacrest/Cowell sandwich with my dogg Randy Jackson close by giving them the "Hoo Hoo". Now to know that he is gay, i am comforted believing that he possibly fantasized about the same things too.

ClayMates across the nation lets join hands. Amidst all the political turmoil, all the wars, the economic recession, the all american yankees struggles in their final season at this yankee stadium, let us join hands, especially of all of us men. All of us men in banana hammocks ordered from international male, caked in glistening tanning oil without a hair on our body lets join hands and then join bodies and give Clay our support. Because we all know that he needs it and when we do support him you can bet Yahoo news will be their to report it.

Bailouts!

So not only has the bush administration spent our money like a 13 year old looking for a quick sugar fix in a candy shop (mind you this 13 year old is extremely hyper yet lazy and is somewhere around 400 pounds), but now he is asking for close to $1trillion to help bailout beleaguered financial institutions!!! WTF!!!!??

Bush gives banks carte blanche to run amok during his terms in office and then sticks the taxpayers with the bill. Its like you are planning a reunion for a bunch of your highschool buddies when one friend who you arent particularly close with (but hes someones brother) says "dont worry, i got the hook up at the club, we will be straight, i got us vip bottle service!" You and your buddies get all excited, you take a limo to the joint and down copious amounts of redbull and vodka on your way there. You pull up to the spot ready to do the damn thing, the line is wrapped around the block but you dont worry, your friend has the hook up right?! Sure enough you go to the front of the line and all of a sudden said friend turns and says "alright yo, let me get your credit card cuz they wont let us in!" This really happened. And thats what bush and all his cronies are attempting to do to us.

We will be stuck with the bill and left with a dead dollar whose worth will value my crusty toe nails and some lint in my pockets. If we have learned anything its that short term solutions dont work. You dont spend massive amounts of money to save money. You pull yourself up by the bootstraps and dig in. You get ready for the long hall and dont trust doods who say they have the hook up for the vip bottle service (bush).

The Klan Rally - RNC

I know its a bit far north from the usual Klan meetings but something about 20.000 white people gathering together to preach their beliefs seems eerily familiar to a klan rally.  It looks like the most homogenous crowd ever assembled for national television.  Theres more whities there then at a free Creed concert.  I realize i am from the north east but every other person has a cowboy hat and every other woman has shoulder pads.  They also all probably have automatic weapons tucked into their waste bands.  Once in a while you will see a black person in the crowd and i have to believe that they have been voted off the island.  They definitely cant go back home. 

Moving on... Right now Rudy is preaching his agenda and the crowd has busted out saying "Drill Baby Drill!"  I think im about to vomit.  I think i just vomitted a lil bit in my mouth.  No i dont think, i just did, literally.  Every other point the republicans argue revolves around liberals being to PC and calling out the DNC as being to easy on radical muslim terrorists.  Whats funny is that the Republicans have control of the white house, theyve had control for the last 8 years.  Which means the Dems havent really had the opportunity to do anything about the so called "war on terrorism."   It seems eerily similar to the same fear mongering that the Bush administration has used to trick the dumbass fundamentalist conservatives over the last 8 years.  

Palin just stepped on the stage.  I have to admit that shes kind of got that hot librarian thing going on.  I kind of feel like im in the video for "Hot For Teacher."  If she wasnt so crazy i might sleep with her.  But then id be afraid that she would pull a Praying Mantis on me and take off my head with an AK-47.  

After five minutes all she has done is introduced her family.  I think she is gearing up to play the "fued".  With her hockey sticks and weapons she would probably dominate Family Fued.  I am waiting for her to say something of substance because those far she has just taken pot shots at Obama and has said nothing about what she stands for.  I dont think she has blinked the whole time up there either.  I think she might be a robot.  She just promised to use the "power of veto."  So instead of actually getting stuff done she is promising to make sure that nothing gets done.   

Ugh, honestly i feel physically ill so im just gonna end this ... 

for the love of god america, step the fuck up and knock these bitches out